Facing a Crisis Pregnancy:

Maybe you have just completed a pregnancy test and it was positive. What now? Or your house doctor told you that you are pregnant. Maybe you have skipped a menstrual period and you feel so afraid, confused, alone... in a panic.

If you are pregnant, you owe it to yourself to make very sure that you have all the information regarding choices and help offered before you make a life changing decision. You will never be the same again. So, make very sure that you do not make rushed decisions while you are still in shock and panicking. We want you to make an informed, responsible choice.

In a difficult situation it is easy to feel as if you are in a very dark tunnel and that the only light at the end is not to be pregnant anymore. It is not easy to consider all the options objectively. Just remember that whatever you decide, nothing can change the fact of your pregnancy. You cannot go back in time;you can only go forward - and therefore you must make the decision you can live with.

It's important that you take time to consider all your options carefully without being pressured by those around you. Whatever they consider to be best for you, it remains your choice and you have to live with it. If you choose to go along with someone else's desires, you may feel angry with them afterwards because things didn't work out the way you expected.

Yet at the same time we often feel that we want someone else to make the decision for us because it is so hard.....

Make sure that....

• You have a pregnancy test done
• You get information on the development of the baby
• You are fully informed about all your options; abortion, adoption and parenting.
• You allow yourself time to think ( brainstorm ) logically about every option.
• You spend an equal amount of time thinking about each option.
• You write down the pros and cons of each option.
• You also list the changes or plans you'd choose to make for your own life with any of the options.
• You talk to someone you trust.
• You make a tentative decision two months before delivery - if you wait until the last minute, you'll feel pressured.

It can be very difficult to think clearly with all the problems crowding into your mind. A chat with a counsellor will provide a way for you to talk through solutions. They will give you the opportunity to take a look at your situation and the changes you want to make. They will help you make your own decision with acceptance and support. Instead of taking control, they will allow you to have control.

Men and a crisis pregnancy:

You may have just discovered that your partner is pregnant. Whatever she feels about it, it's important for you to know how you feel about it too..

Some men feel positive at first about a pregnancy and the possibility of fatherhood because of what it means to be a man, but then other things take over. For some the pressure of circumstances takes over -

• Maybe you only started your studies at university
• The relationship isn't strong enough
• Maybe the responsibility of a child seems overwhelming right now
• It's just not what you wanted for your life...

It's important that you look through the information given on these pages about the options open to you and your partner. You are entitled to this information so that you and your partner can make an informed choice. Ask yourself the questions given with each option so that you can make up your mind.

Some men feel left out of the decision making process because pregnancy has to do with a woman's body and it appears to be the woman's choice. Most women are, however, deeply affected by the way their partners respond to the pregnancy.

How do you support your partner ?

You may feel relieved that you don't have to make the final decision. Many men say to their partners ' I'll support you whatever you decide....', this seems to be a loving thing to do but it places the burden on her shoulders at a time when she may be struggling to come to terms with what has happened. Most women sense what their partners really want and go along with it because they are afraid they will lose the relationship. She needs reassurance that you'll be there for her. She needs to know honestly what you think and feel.

Support your partner by ....

• Not leaving her to make the decision
• Talking meaningfully together to find the best way forward for both of you
• Drawing closer to her rather than pulling away
• Considering the information on these pages with her, seriously
• Sharing the responsibility for the situation with your partner.

Maybe you have already made an abortion decision - it is OK to grieve for the baby you will never see or hold in your arms, you also have suffered a profound loss. Find someone to talk to. The worst thing you can do is to keep it inside. It helps to talk it out.